


This is not Goodbye...

by AjaxxTheAlmighty



Category: Original Fandom - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Avril Lavigne - Freeform, Cutting, Danger, Depression, Gen, Injurious Behavior, Mental Illness, Other, Real Life Stories, S.I.B., Self Harm, Self Mutualation, SiB, Song Lyrics, Struggle, painful memories, relatable, self injury, straight edge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 06:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3318083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AjaxxTheAlmighty/pseuds/AjaxxTheAlmighty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone deals with depression at some point in their life. But I will live to see another day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is not Goodbye...

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. So I am going to warn you now, this piece is dark. I struggle with depression, and this is just my outlet. So anyone who takes issue with self harm and depression can go, because this isn't the place for that. I am human, and have human emotions, healthy or not they're here. Please know that I am safe, I just struggle. Anyone else who struggles with these issues, know that you are loved, and it gets better. I promise...

She stared into the mirror, her soul empty, and eyes full of tears. She ran a bath, the water's rhythmic splashing drowned out the sobs that she couldn't hold back. The sun was setting and she was home alone. Her blue eyes were blotted with the inky wetness of her mascara and eyeliner. It stung when she blinked or rubbed them. The dark brown strands of her hair fell around her face like ribbons strung from the rafters at a wedding, except this was no celebration. Alice had been depressed much of her life, and has been much worse, but there was something about today that had just grabbed hold of her and gunned her down to the ground. 

"Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye my love... I can't hide, can't hide, can't hide what has come. I have to go. I have to go. I have to go. And leave you alone. But always know. Always know, Always know that I love you so, I love you so, I love you so, oh..."

She looked over her naked body with blood shot eyes. She could almost feel her heart rate slowing down to a slow burst every few seconds. 

"Goodbye brown eyes. Goodbye for now. Goodbye sunshine. Take care of yourself..."

She looked over the bottle slowly, trying to make sense of the small print. Having dyslexia made it hard for her to read anything, but this was especially hard. She had downed four more pills than the bottle suggested, not enough to kill her, but enough to make the world slow down enough to just cry. She pulled her hair up into a bun and pulled of her lace panties, dipping into the deep pool of hot water. She saw her skin go from a pale ivory to a beet red as her flesh made contact with the burnt liquid. Propping her back against the tub wall, she sighed loudly before breaking into tears. Each one hitting the water's surface like billions of rain drops on the top of a beautiful lake. It reminded her of when she went up North with her girlfriend. Watching the stars pass. Now the only stars she could see were the ones clouding up her vision. The pills started to take effect.

"I have to go. I have to go. I have to go. And leave you alone. But always know. Always know. Always know that I love you so. I love you so, oh. I love you so, oh..."

The already dim room started to fade away. A part of her hoped her heart would stop and she would wake up in a beautiful wonderland way above the Earth's surface. Her hand that gripped the edge of the tub slowly became limp as the pills spread through her blood. She let go, and her hand fell limply on the side of the tub, scraping the tile floor. 

"La lullaby. Distract me with your rhymes. La lullaby. La lullaby. Help me sleep tonight. La lullaby. I have to go. I have to go. I have to go. And leave you alone..."

She struggled to open her eyes. She wanted to, but she had no energy to fight with. She could picture her standing there. The two of them so beautiful. Alice loved Siren. She knew it was the right thing for her to let her go, but her heart still cracked knowing that they had to be apart. Her heart thumped in her chest slowly, almost stopping momentarily, only to jump back to power. The tears drained from her face like the blood that entered and exited her heart valves. She managed to open her eyes, and grab the straight edge from the tray in the shower. She sliced open her legs with clean lines. The tub water turning a delicate scarlet. She knew she should stop, but this was the first time for so long she felt, so she didn't.

"But always know. Always know. Always know. That I love you so..."

The water was a pinky red hue, she let go of the blade, allowing it to hit the floor with a small "ping". The water was just opaque enough for her to see the deep cut wounds. She cried, not because of the pain, but where she has allowed herself to come to. She was lost without guide, and without a sense of knowing.

"I love you so. I love you so, oh. I love you so. I love you so. I love you so. I love you so..."

She drifted to sleep. soaking in the bath of her worries and broken hopes. She would eventually wake up to fight the world another day, but not now. Now, she needed to go, she needed to cry, and that was okay...

"Goodbye brown eyes... Goodbye my love..."

I love you so... I love you so... Goodbye... Brown Eyes...''


End file.
